My long rant of the day: Lauren Conrad

Ok, so I was at the tree lighting ceremony/event/celebration at the Grove in Los Angeles today (don't judge me I like the holidays, ok?) and Lauren Conrad of "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach" fame was there. People literally went apeshit and nearly started beating eachother to death to get a better view when she appeared on stage as if it was the second coming of the Messiah.

Now don't get me wrong I think Lauren Conrad is ok, I mean her hair is shiny and she has a throaty voice like a puppy that swallowed some detergent... but she's just no Jesus..I mean..she probably doesn't even eat carbs, let alone feed 4000 people with one loaf of bread and a fish. (As a sidenote I always thought that was the best bible story..like Jesus was some kind of a magician..oh except for the one where he moves the giant rock and escapes out of the cave at Easter..that was AWESOME. Jesus was totally like an olden-times David Blaine, except..you know..rockin' a longer beard and stuff.)

Oh my god, Lauren Conrad has rubbed off on me, before you know it I will be creating unnecessary turmoil in my everyday life, wearing headbands and finding holding my venti nonfat latte "exhausting".

PS: It would be pretty cool if Lauren Conrad could perform miracles, then I might watch "The Hills" more instead of wanting to tear my own eyes out just when I hear the theme tune. Knowing Lauren though she would use her powers to get Prada pumps in her size and to help her decide between dating annoying bastard guy and arrogant twat guy.

PS2: I am a massive hypocrite because we all know that if I were offered $70,000 per episode to be on "The Hills" I would totally jump at the chance. Hell I would proclaim Lauren Conrad the Messiah myself and make all my family convert to Conradism if that happened.

Paris Hilton doesn't understand the law.

Not only has Paris Hilton's lawyer appealed against the decision to jail Paris for 45 days for violating her probation, but now Paris has urged fans to sign an online petition to keep her out of jail on her Myspace

She writes:

'My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sihn it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

NLINE PETITION CREATED TO SUPPORT PARIS HILTON


To sign the FREE PARIS HILTON petition to
Governor Schwarzenegger that I have created...

please go here:

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/PH21781


I urge all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice to sign this petition.'

'Outraged by injustice'? Um..which part of a drunk driver who violated their probation and then showed up to court late being reprimanded is unjust?

This drives me crazy, I seriously hope that she doesn't succeed in wriggling out of her jail time. Paris Hilton needs to realise that she is not above the law and can't just do whatever the hell she wants.

A little note for Mischa Barton

Ok, so I know I've been posting about Mischa a lot recently but she has become the metaphorical thorn in my side, or rather the literal talentless beanpole in my side.

I know that didn't quite make sense but go with it anyway.

Now that I am back in L.A. Mischa has taken it upon herself to invade my homeland with her promotional shoe tour. Just wait and ingest those words a little: An "actress"..... on A. PROMOTIONAL. SHOE. TOUR...

hmm..is there something wrong with this picture?

Mischa. these words are said with the best intentions: Please pack your bags and leave England as I'm sure not many people want to buy your fugly shoes, then please take the money you earned on the O.C if you haven't already spent it on newboy caps and dresses that look like garbage bags and live a life of quiet luxury.

I am really sick becoming enraged and feeling the urge to write about you, thus perpetuating the belief that you are in fact newsworthy.

Sighhhh

Bye bye Mischa Barton! (hopefully)

Mischa Barton has been dropped as the face of Bebe and replaced with 'Desperate Housewives' star Eva Longoria.

Mischa is pretty much only famous for the Bebe ads now...well..NOT ANY MORE! I wonder what she will do now? Probably continue to hang around doing absolutely nothing, and yet try and persuade us that she is a serious actress.

Please let this be the end of Mischa Barton (and her surprisingly saggy derierre!)

Just a sidenote: What the FUCK is she wearing? Was there a sale at "Big n' Tall Lederhosen Barn for the Old and Infirm"?

Reason no. 365548890765 why Mischa Barton is pointless

Reason number 365548890765: She smokes pot in her car and then drives away on a crowded L.A. street.

We can sandwich that right between reason number 365548890764: She mistakes burlap sucks for fashion items, and reason number 365548890766: She thinks that rubbing her neck and looking into the distance is acting.



Maybe it made her hallucinate that she had talent?